Last night Ceri and I were talking about how difficult it is to wake up in the mornings these days, and I agreed with him that’s it’s all January’s fault. Then, this morning I find wakefulness particularly elusive and when I finally drag myself out of bed I find it’s because it’s even darker than usual, thanks to heavily overcast skies and rain outside. My discombobulated state lingers when I find my apartment still dark as night even at 8:30 when I’m leaving for the office. As I round into Spadina Ave. the wind whips down and tries to wrestle my umbrella from me, but I win and when I get up into the street it’s not so bad.
I adore the colour of the atmosphere when it rains; I think that’s why I have this perpetual love for rainy days. The colours are mystical, and they paint the world under those clouds sinking low to enclose us protectively, and the glint of wet pavement, and lights taking on an incandescent glow sparkle against that purple-blue-grey hue in a way I find both comforting and inspiring.
Okay, generally, rainy days in January are not so charming. But it’s +4C and feeling absolutely balmy. Thinking about the forecasted big freeze coming our way this weekend, me and my rose – I mean purple-blue-grey – coloured glasses try to capture photos of the colours over the course of my journey while considering buying a new warm coat because it is, after all, January.
The colours of rain – beautiful thing number eighty-three.
I am pretty much relentless in preaching the benefits journaling in every class I teach. Journaling is a fundamental tool for lifelong learners, writers, artists, teachers and people in general.
If you want to see things more clearly, write about the things you see in a journal. If you want to be transformed by the things you learn, reflect on what that learning has to do with you in a journal. If you want to foster the creative process, write freely in a journal. If you want to improve your writing and communication skills, write in a journal regularly. If you want to re-discover your authentic self – well, you know what to do.
Journaling makes you more aware, it causes you to focus on what’s going on within and around you and to think more critically. Journaling teaches you to write and think freely, and therefore enhances creativity and opens your mind to alternative ideas and options. If you journal, you are more likely to be aware of, and act upon, the hundreds of fleeting ideas and inspirations that thread in and out of your consciousness every day.
If you are aware of the things that inspire you, you are more likely to seek them out; you are more likely to gravitate to the things, people and situations that fulfil you.
"I don't want to analyze myself or anything, but I think, in fact I know this to be true, that I enter the world through what I write. I grew up believing, and continue to believe, that I am a screw-up, that growing up with my family and friends, I had nothing to offer in any conversation. But when I started writing, suddenly there was something that I brought to the party that was at a high-enough level." —Aaron Sorkin
I haven’t been writing much. If you’re one of my regular friends I’m sure you’ve noticed. Lists of beautiful things and posts of YouTube clips are not writing. I’ve learned to accept the dry periods and assume the “writerly collector” in me is needing this time to just collect experience. But it’s been bothering me – posting other people’s work and videos of other people are not going to bring you back, and I can’t stand the thought of losing any one of you.
Part of it is that I’ve been immersing myself in good books over my daily commute – and there’s certainly nothing wrong with that. In fact my excuse for staying with this job which is an hour’s trip from my home has always been that those two hours of travel time every day are reading time. But the problem with immersing myself in books during this time is that I’m not paying attention to my favourite subject: that little space of world around me and the people in it.
By the end of winter I start feeling trapped by it – the darkness, the extended periods of painful temperatures, the ugliness. Let’s face it – snow in the city is only beautiful when it first falls. Then it becomes dirty mounds on sidewalks and on edges of parking lots and lining curbs everywhere. I’m all about the changing seasons, I feel lucky that I live in such a climate – but by late January, I’m finished with this damned season.
I’m sure it’s all related to a lack of sunlight. In fact I know it – after an hour’s lunchtime walk in bright sunlight today I felt heady, almost drunk. And the move to Daylight Time this past weekend has flipped some internal switch – I get to evening and find daylight and I’m noticeably happy. Lots of my friends are still complaining about that lost hour of sleep – I’m practically giddy for it; I’d gladly sacrifice two hours to have Daylight Time back again.
I wish I was one to write myself through a down or difficult period. The last few months of hunkering against the weather, coming out of the subway after work into the dark, the sequestering away from humanity and losing myself in other peoples’ stories – have all caused me to close off, and thus close off that well of stories.
During today's lunchtime walk I stopped and looked ahead at a length of sidewalk on which there was no snow, no ice, no slush, no puddles; just a clear sidewalk under a sunny sky. And when I stood there looking at it, I felt a sense of freedom I haven’t felt in more than a month, a welcome desire to get back outside of myself.
That sidewalk, with the feeling of freedom the sight of it gave me, is beautiful thing number 24.
As I walked on, one of my favourite song verses ran through my head:
You say you'll give me a highway with no-one on it
Treasure, just to look upon it
All the riches in the night
U2, from Rattle and Hum, 1988
Let’s call that little simple little verse, with its image so humble and idea so rich, beautiful thing 25, and my theme for escaping the bonds of winter.
Beautiful things considered, first day of self-imposed challenge.
Aedh Wishes for the Cloths of Heaven
Had I the heavens’ embroidered cloths,
Enwrought with golden and silver light,
The blue and the dim and the dark cloths
Of night and light and the half light,
I would spread the cloths under your feet:
But I, being poor, have only my dreams;
I have spread my dreams under your feet;
Tread softly because you tread on my dreams.
~William Butler Yeats, 1899
What is it you find beautiful? Based on what I know of most of my faithful friends here in blogland, it’s not going to be that pretty pop star whose photo was manipulated to “perfection” for the cover of Rolling Stone. I could look at Bob Dylan’s face and find mountains more beauty than I can in hers. But that’s me. My definition of beauty is formed by where I came from, my ideals, my age, my interests, my education – and my needs. What about you? What defines beauty in your world?
I find old train tracks beautiful. And forgotten corners of cottage yards. And broken down old sheds. And my mother’s hands. The way a little kid darts around his father repeating “Da-a-d…?” as they walk toward the Air Canada Center to the hockey game. Or the stunning gradation of the sky as it was the other night – from breathtaking orange to the deep royal blue housing that delicate sliver of a crescent moon. Or Santana’s rendering of Soul Sacrifice at Woodstock. The soft traces of humming I hear coming from the woman with the beatific smile who sits on the other side of my office cubicle. The bowl on my table filled with sweet potatoes, beets, Bosc pears, an acorn squash and some bulbs of garlic – a haul from the market last week. Giant ropes coiled on the decks of ships.
What is beautiful to you? I challenge you to explore it:
Find 101 examples of beauty, and show, tell, list or write them. Photographs, songs, poems, paintings, crafts – however it is you tell your story.
There is no timeframe, because the number target may seem high to you. (It won’t for long – trust me.) And modify the challenge to suit you. Do it once a week and it could become an ongoing topic for a year. Find a few things a day, the project could last a month. Sit down for a few hours and you could finish a list in one go! Maybe you’re not ready just now. Or maybe you are stumbling across this challenge six months from now. Any time is a good time to start.
Feel free to grab the badge below and put in your sidebar if you like, as a reminder of where to find inspiration in an uninspired or down period. And that, really, is the point. Where the doldrums take over – finding beauty brings inspiration back.
Why 101 things? I just like odd numbers better than even ones. It’s only a number and who knows, maybe the term “101” will just be a symbolic sort of thing, representing “my collection” or “my exploration.” I just know that for me, it’s a topic I need to return to time and time again, and I’m hoping it will turn into something of an extended exploration here.
If you do take part, be sure to let me know (as well as the tag or category you’ll use, if you wish) and I’ll list a link to your blog on this dedicated page.
After all – it’s really beauty that I’m searching for in Realia every day. I’d venture to say it’s what we’re all looking for.
Today, Writers Digest tweeted this: “The word ‘penultimate.’ Kinda cool or just awful?” I immediately thought “awful” and even felt compelled to re-tweet my opinion on the issue.
Then I got thinking about it – why on earth would I label this seemingly innocuous word as “awful?” My friend Selma got in on it, suggesting “penultimate” sounds kind of “supervillainy” – “like something Dr. Evil would say.” She further suggested what might have seemed obvious – that “it’s not the ultimate.”
I liked that one, for a few seconds, then it occurred to me that I don’t like “ultimate” either. “Ultimate” seems like one of those too-easy adjectives, weakened in its meaning by its overuse. “Ultimate” has been turned into a lame superlative by advertisers and teenagers.
Maybe it’s me wearing my writing teacher hat too tight. Maybe the slashing and circling and centering out of adjectives on student stories is something I need to get a grip on. Really though – if something is or was “ultimate,” surely it would be really interesting if it was described in detail…. But I digress. And anyway, “awful” is an adjective and I don’t mind it at all. In fact there some adjectives I adore – like “luscious” and “stormy” and “lusty.”
Ultimate’s poor little brother, Penultimate. Second to last. Not quite there. If you get to considering the tragedy about a thing that will never quite be the ultimate – then that’s interesting – way more interesting than one lonely word that looks much more potent than it really is. Kind of like a one-hit-wonder pop star.
I think what irks me most about the word is its specificity. I’ve never cared much for specifics – never learned much by rote. The teacher who attempted to teach me all the grammar and spelling rules back in grade three, the one who reduced me to tears with all of the “I before E except after C – usually…” would be shocked to learn that I would fall in love with good language and that I would actually teach grammar and crazy English spelling to ESL learners one day. I still don’t know how I understand all the mechanics of grammar – I think it’s just because growing up I read a lot. But I sure didn’t learn them by memorizing any damn rules.
Other teachers at my elementary school, my mother’s colleagues, would tell her about how my eyes would glaze over upon hearing terms like “multiplication tables.” Some people get a real pleasure out of discovering THE ANSWER – in knowing there is only one possible solution to that mathematic problem and that they figured it out. When my mistakes were pointed out in math quizzes, my feeling was “Meh – it’s close enough, isn’t it?”
I was more interested in the non-finite answers to things – the “here’s my take on it and here’s why” kind of answer. “Penultimate” says ONE thing. I’d be much more interested in all the things leading to and around that label: Why is it second to last? How does it feel about being there? What colour is that thing? Are you sure it’s second to last? What is third-last? What is the symbolic meaning of next-to-last?
If that thing is penultimate, then that’s that. Ho hum. Kind of like 4 is merely the sum of 2 plus 2. It’s a tiny, finite solution, and in my world, nothing interesting is tiny and finite.
Maybe I just made a play for careful use of describing words, but I’m not exactly sure. One thing is for sure – I didn’t have enough to do at work today.
Last month I signed up for a blog challenge to post something every day. I should have known better. My creative self doesn’t manage real well with rules. It was good for the first little bit – it gave me the impetus to stay in the moment, because in the moment is where I find things to write about. But it was also December, and for me, December is a month of parties and shopping and preparing and friends and events – it’s a month of distractions. And this particular December was particularly distracting.
I do approach this blog with the intention of writing every day. Everyone who engages in this process knows that if you write every day, your readership is more likely to grow. I enjoy the growing numbers as much as anybody – creating something, and sharing it is a source of enormous personal satisfaction. I am exceedingly grateful for you, that you show up to read what I have to say, and that you may have shown up to find I haven't written, again, is the primary reason I chastise myself for missing days.
But I got a little jaded, I suppose, as I explored the many bloggers also participating in this and other challenges, because so many would fill up space with nothing just to get a post up. Some of the posts would even say “I don’t have anything to say today, but here I am.” In one respect that’s GREAT – a cardinal rule for any writer or artist is to show up. Sit down and if all you have to write is “I have nothing to say” write it anyway because it may turn into something else. At least you’ve kept your office hours, and if a writer didn’t have any discipline, then nothing would ever get written. But in other respects, you write because you want people to read you, and a sure way to get someone to run the other way fast is to say “I have nothing to say, but listen…”
That kind of stuff belongs in my journal, not on my public space. My space is about ideas, not clicks; style, not volume. Experimenting yes, but striving to maintain a standard more so. I’m certainly not above light and silly – I’m sure you’d dump me quick if I was always long and serious. But if a post isn’t interesting to me, it sure won’t be interesting to you, and you are here because something I said once resonated with you enough to bring you back.
And for that, I couldn’t be more grateful. So this year's posts will be dedicated to you. I couldn't think of a better reason to try a little harder and dig a little deeper, could you?