The recent period of long, intense hours in my job have kept me away from yoga class for two weeks. Yesterday I finally went back and I didn’t feel any less fit or able after the absence, but my balance was off kilter. It took everything I had to move into some of the poses, and more of that to stay there. It wouldn’t take a genius to figure out that yesterday’s imbalance is indicative of a lack of equilibrium that goes beyond that mat in a yoga studio.
It hasn’t been all bad up to now; only it seems that since the heavy period ended, I’m flying around trying to find a place to land. Or maybe I’m just resisting the landing, wanting to be floated along on the waves of air like that gull I watched the other day.
The big proposal went in last Friday and as I handed it off to the person who would print it and deliver it, I felt like I was handing her a 100 pound weight. I walked out of the office and opened my eyes to acknowledge the approaching weekend with a wagonload of gratitude. Apros pos, because it was Thanksgiving, and three days of freedom sat on my horizon, and each of those three days was forecasted to be spectacular – sunshine and 20+C temperatures. It was like someone was handing us those days as a reminder to be thankful.
And it was easy to be thankful every minute of those three days; they were bright, clear, soft and breezy, and the nights cooled down for the best kind of open window sleeping.
Actually, the sleeping didn’t come for me proper until the following Tuesday, another indication of my off-kilter state. But it didn’t matter; when you get days like that, it’s easy to climb out of your petty personal concerns.
Monday, Thanksgiving Day, I sat in the sun and watched some fellas bustling around on a sailboat, readying her to sail. I felt a stab of envy a little while later as I watched them glide off into the harbour. As her sails rose in the sunlight, I wished I could lie on that deck, an invisible stowaway drifting off to anywhere.
I was carrying a journal and in it I wondered where the escape desires were coming from. I hadn’t experienced them in a long time, since years ago when I was so desperate to leave a job and a city. I’m not feeling anything like that now; in fact I would even say I am pretty content about things.
I know the sailboat desires were just me wanting to get back on an even keel. (Schmaltzy pun, but it’s appropriate.) I wrote a little more and painted a little and got not a little pleasure in the process, but my mind wandered, lost in the freedom of time – like that floating bird.
My girls had gently nudged me into the idea of Thanksgiving on Friday. Anticipating the weather and at least one more rooftop dinner, I couldn’t fathom anything like a traditional meal. I was tired. But they eased me into that idea too; and though we sat in the sun on the rooftop patio to enjoy it, we had a meal of turkey breast and roasted potatoes and beets and green beans and squash and even pumpkin pie.
I went to bed that night, grateful again, and still unable to sleep.
Things are quieting at work and as another week approaches I'm considering the landing. I'll keep working at my Tree Pose; maybe that will help.
<a href="http://www.bloglovin.com/blog/3104574/realia?claim=5rr2c8t6qgh">Follow my blog with Bloglovin</a>