on moments, learning and beautiful imperfections

Exploring a few more questions:

What is the simplest truth you can express in words?
All we have is now.

 

If you had to teach something, what would you teach?
I actually learned how to teach because there was an idea that so inspired me I had to teach it – that we all have stories to tell, and all those stories are important.

With the growth of mass media/communications in the last century came the subsequent explosion of targeted messaging, public relations, spin and the manipulation of information in general, and we seem to be subjected to versions of “reality” that are increasingly narrowed, ironically.  If we all told our own stories from the perspectives of our own personal windows on the world, we might use our own critical skills and reject certain “realities” being constructed by those with louder voices and taller platforms. 

So, I did it.  I learned how to teach so I could encourage people to tell their own stories. 

 

What is the most defining moment of your life thus far?
There are a few.  My interest in memoir and personal stories has caused me to examine these at length; for people who write in this vein, these moments – the points at which everything changes and nothing is ever the same again – are a goldmine to explore.  Here’s one I tell to most of my classes at some point in the semester:

I went to university when I was 30.  I was in the process of ending my marriage, and my girls were still really young.  All my life I’d been called an underachiever in school; that my output was not reflective of my abilities.  I just wasn’t that interested in some of the subjects, and my brain refused to process others – usually those involving numbers and equations.  Many years later I would learn about the concept of learning styles, and that the way curriculum was disseminated in the 60s and 70s didn’t much accommodate mine.  I’m not here to throw blame – I just didn’t bother corralling my mind and imagination within the walls of the classroom; I got by as a mediocre student, and that was good enough for me. 

It is with this background I find myself in an English class, a few weeks into my first semester of university.  I am in a class with a bunch of kids that got to university because they got good grades in high school.  I am there because as a “mature student” they had to let me in. 

So I’m sitting there in misery because we’re about to get back our first papers.  I submitted a critical analysis of a William Faulkner short story which I am sure is a piece of crap; I am certain Professor Long will call me aside after and ask me what in heaven’s name am I thinking in hanging about these halls that were built for academic types, not underachievers like me.

Before handing back the papers, Long begins to write a breakdown of the grades on the board; first he writes down the letters A through F and under each the number of students who got that grade.  I believe he is trying to illustrate that most everyone did badly, to ease the shock of those grades at the tops of those papers.  There is one A, a couple of B’s, several C’s, lots of D’s and one F – which I am convinced is mine.  In my head I’m making plans for quitting this nonsense and getting on with my life without a degree.  I’m not one of these people.

While I consider hightailing it out the door and avoiding the humiliation altogether, my paper is dropped in front of me and at the top of it is the A.  I’m in danger of hyperventilating, and I leave the room to collect myself in the hall while all the complaining smart kids are standing around Professor Long’s desk seeking some sort of explanation as to these foreign looking letters at the tops of their pages.

Ken Long would go on to shine light on more understandings that year, but this moment was the first time I understood that knowledge comes not only with study, but also with living.  That my own critical perspective has weight and value.  It was at that moment that the concept of lifelong learning, and idea that education could have something in it for me, revealed itself like the proverbial clap of thunder.  I left that room feeling considerably more valuable as a human than I did when I walked in.

Another ten years down the road I would go on to pursue another degree in adult education because I wanted to share this type of experience.  If I could make learning experiences a fraction as meaningful as Ken Long did for me, I will have made a difference in my little corner of the world.  And what more could one ask for?

Is there such a thing as perfect?
I like to think that it’s imperfections that make the world and its people interesting and beautiful.  In fact, I think “perfection” is a dangerous concept.  Who’s to say how perfect is defined?  By its implication, everything considered not perfect is somehow lesser than the thing labelled perfect by the person who has somehow acquired the right to name it so.  We’ve all got a lifetime of experiences, beliefs, understandings that would cause us to see a thing in a different way, and what if we don’t see it the same way as that person who labels a thing perfect?  Does that automatically render us imperfect?

It seems I’ve written myself into a theme here.  You know that “A” paper I wrote about above?  It was technically an A-.  Not perfect, and yet the most beautiful thing I had seen in a very long time.  Let’s call it beautiful thing number 35. 

 

I'm finding beauty, are you?

17 Comments

  1. Reply
    Mike April 19, 2011

    the only “A” on a test I got in school was in grade 5 science… we tested our blood types, mine is A+

  2. Reply
    Jennifer April 20, 2011

    hahahah! I tested my blood type in high school, and it was AB-. My teacher told me it was a rare blood type and I probably did the test wrong.

  3. Reply
    Sherrill April 20, 2011

    Wonderful writing, as usual, sis

  4. Reply
    Jennifer April 20, 2011

    Aw, thanks pal!

  5. Reply
    Donald Kinney April 20, 2011

    I’ve always found that when I am experiencing the most self doubt is the time that I have done the very best…

  6. Reply
    Donald Kinney April 20, 2011

    I’ve always found that when I am experiencing the most self doubt is the time that I have done the very best…

  7. Reply
    Jeff Griffiths April 20, 2011

    If I were a perfectionist I’d still be editing my first short story.

  8. Reply
    Jennifer April 21, 2011

    That’s interesting Donald. I suppose that may be true for me – but I know self-doubt also holds me back. I think I need to know how to remember the former so the latter doesn’t happen.

  9. Reply
    Jennifer April 21, 2011

    I heard one of my heros, Michael Ondaatje, say once that it takes him seven years to complete a novel. I almost stopped writing. Until I just acknowledged to myself that I’m not Michael Ondaatje, and that was liberating. I think one of the most beautiful things about any form of art is the courage of the artist to let the thing go.

  10. Reply
    Downith April 21, 2011

    “I’m not Michael Ondaatje” either. Great post.

  11. Reply
    Selma April 22, 2011

    I knew it was you who got the ‘A.’ It had to be. You are such a sensitive and insightful person – it doesn’t surprise me at all.
    Imperfections are beautiful. I firmly believe that. So are you.

  12. Reply
    Jennifer April 23, 2011

    Thank you Downith.

  13. Reply
    Jennifer April 23, 2011

    And so are you, my friend. xo

  14. Reply
    The Querulous Squirrel April 23, 2011

    I love this post and your questions. Your interest in memoir and personal stories is very inspiring to me, as I sit on the fence between fiction and memoir.

  15. Reply
    Jennifer April 24, 2011

    Thank you QS! To think that I have inspired you, even a little, in terms of personal writing, makes me feel honoured.

  16. Reply
    Meredith Wickham April 25, 2011

    Jennifer, what a wonderful insight you had into the value of your experience! My husband, too, has spent the last few years as one of those “adult learners” (I always thought, when I heard that — aren’t all adults learners, really??) and will be graduating this month with his PhD in physics, quite a feat. The whole way through, I’ve seen how his experience and depth in his subject made him a resource and mentor for younger, more traditional college students, and he loved teaching so much he’s going to go in that direction with his career, we hope. It’s such a noble calling.
    I agree with you about perfection being a dangerous goal. I prefer things and people a little wabi-sabi, myself. 🙂

  17. Reply
    Jennifer April 25, 2011

    Meredith, thank you. That is quite a feat your husband accomplished indeed! I’m glad to hear he’ll go into teaching because he loves it. I’m sure he’ll inspire many as a result.
    Here’s to wabi sabi. Glad you visited.

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