everything flows, nothing stands still*

So I made peace with his landlordship.  No, we didn’t discuss the Matter of the Windows or his Jacking Up the Furnace Policy.  Let’s just say we both know it’s an issue that would remain unresolved for as long as I chose to live there.  He did say he’s thinking of building a deck for the upper apartment, so perhaps that’s his acknowledgement of most peoples’ need for fresh air and an enjoyment of summer.  He probably thinks that the next tenant’s utilisation of a deck space will eliminate any need to open windows – but that’s a discussion I’m not going to need to have ever again.

At any rate, the exchange was friendly and generous on both sides, and I’m glad to be leaving him on good terms.  He expressed sadness that I’m going, and I understand that.  It’s not about the money for him; it’s about the comfort of having another body moving about in the big house.  And it’s hard to find a good tenant, particularly when one is inclined to make much ado over small things.  I’m glad to be leaving his control issues and mind games.  I’m sad to be leaving behind the friendly, slightly cheeky man who gave me some prints of his bird paintings, which I’ll hang in my new home in honour of his good qualities, and because they’re lovely.  

I get possession of my new digs tomorrow and the official move is Monday.  I hope to use the weekend to get the cupboard and closet stuff in place, and thus ease SOME of the unpacking pain.

But then I never find moving painful.  Well, leaving Windsor and the place I lived my entire life was painful.  More bittersweet:  moving closer to my family, but leaving my friends; becoming a homeless empty nester, but embarking on a month-long adventure to find love across the ocean in a country I’d never been to before.  I couldn’t have known then that it would take years to overcome that shock to my system, but I wouldn’t change it for the world.

I’ve always loved change – I crave it sometimes.  I suspect that now I’m that empty-nester I’m a little too free to run after change any time the whim takes me.  I won’t even begin to discuss my thoughts on where this has left me in the love and relationship department.  Maybe I should be like my favourite bloggers – refreshingly honest and personally forthright – and lay that out on the table.  Maybe in doing that I could affect some internal change in an area that could really stand some improvement. 

But not today.  I’m too jazzed about the move.  It’ll be the fourth neighbourhood I’ve tried in Toronto since 2006.  It’ll be different than any type of home or neighbourhood I’ve ever lived.  Because in making this decision, I thought that it was time to let go of some ideas about re-creating that kind of neighbourhood and HOME that I had when my girls were growing up.  After all, everything’s different now.  I AM alone and I CAN follow these yearnings and go where the wind takes me.  I truly believe in following the rhythms of the universe, and I’m looking forward to discovering where the path takes me.

As of Monday, everything will be new again.  With wide open windows.

Change is the only constant. *~Heraclitus



  1. Cathy May 14, 2010

    Love it! And am super excited for you! Regret that I cannot help you, or at least see your new place for a couple weeks (your daughter shipping me out again!) But then, by the time I get back, you will be all organised and put away and we will be able to relax and visit in your new digs!!!! Very much looking forward cos I miss you Sis! Good luck with the move! xoxo

  2. Jennifer May 14, 2010

    Thanks sis. And I really miss you too. It would be a good time for the Habs to take the next series in four! 🙂 xoxo

  3. willow May 14, 2010

    Best of luck on the move, Jennifer! Fresh new starts are always so exciting.

  4. Reluctant Blogger May 14, 2010

    Oooh I love moving too. It’s a real regeneration thing for me. I haven’t done it in ages – well other than the 3 month stint in Australia – and at the moment I am really fighting my wish for change to stay here, because I think it would be best for me and the boys if we did stay.
    I hope the move goes well.
    And I for one would love more juicy details about your love life!!!!! But then I’m right nosy, me!

  5. Susannah May 14, 2010

    Brilliant! What an exciting time and also what a wonderful time for a new home – a Taurus new moon!
    Enjoy the change and your new home, I will be thinking of you. 🙂

  6. Jennifer May 14, 2010

    I agree Willow – a cleaning out of the home and mind, and new daily patterns and haunts.

  7. Jennifer May 14, 2010

    Yeah well RB – we stayed in our Windsor home until my girls grew up, 13 years. Now that I think of it – it’s the longest I lived anywhere. But it was best for them too, and we have wonderful memories of the place. (Carly is back there this weekend for the wedding of one of her neighbourhood friends!)
    Oh, and the “love life?” Oh brother…

  8. Jennifer May 14, 2010

    Susannah, you’re so right – I read that this afternoon, that the new moon is in my sign! No wonder I’m so up for this!
    Thanks for the good thoughts, as always.

  9. Susannah May 15, 2010

    By the way – I forgot to say – I love the new blog header!

  10. Tricia May 16, 2010

    Hope it goes well for you tomorrow and that your pleasure in your home grows along with the waxing moon

  11. Jennifer May 17, 2010

    Aw thanks Tricia. I’m as ready as I’ll ever be! And the pleasure already started. xoxo

  12. Selma May 18, 2010

    I admire you for embracing change. Change is something I grapple with. I am also glad you were able to leave your landlord on good terms. I always like to remember a person’s good qualities. Hope the move goes well!

  13. Jennifer May 18, 2010

    I know change can be difficult for some – even painful. And then maybe sometimes too easy for someone like me. Anyway, good change in this situation. And yes, nothing good comes out of hanging on to bad feelings. Move went great!

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